Apocalypse now

With the publicity for the Nobel Prize awarded to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, shared with Al Gore, we should be fully aware of the potential disaster of global warming. Predictions of the impact range from the devastation of crops and water supplies, rising sea levels, new diseases, extinction of species, all the way through to the suggestion that the Earth may become unable to sustain human life itself. However, Britain faces a new threat, described by a government minister as "a potential crisis as serious as climate change".

What is this future apocalypse that will destroy our beloved nation? More fat people. Yes it is bloody obesity again. Us fatties get blamed for lots of things, but now we are as bad as an environmental catastrophe. Alan Johnson, the Health Secretary, has been sounding off on the issue and, chillingly, "Ministers are drawing up a long-term action plan to tackle obesity". I suppose the one bonus is that the natural rebel in me now has an easy outlet, I just need to raid the fridge.

Johnson, who is also my MP, has stated that, "it is in everybody's interest to turn things round". I have been turning myself increasingly round for years Alan. Now stop bothering me and do something sensible, like stopping hospitals prioritising targets over patients' lives.