Friday, September 12, 2008

Menacing machines

I have an electronic weather station that tells the time, temperature, humidity and predicts the weather. It can be set to speak in one of those disembodied electronic voices and for some reason I have left it on. At midday everyday it cheerfully reads out the details.

This week, low, grey clouds have scuttled over Hull. Every so often the constant drizzle has been interrupted by lashing rain, showing that the roof leak that brought a corner of my bedroom ceiling down is back again. It is unutterably depressing. Then, at 12 o'clock, this cheery, synthesised, mid-Atlantic voice tells me that the weather forecast is - sunny! What is up with it? Is it trying to console me with false hope? Is it cruelly taunting me? Did I get the satirical model by mistake?

There are plenty of machines that nag you, my car shouts at me if I leave the lights on for instance, now I have one that is spreading misinformation and false optimism. They are taking over I tell you. We are doomed.


Anonymous said...

Do you remember the Woody Allen sketch from his stand up days (when he was funny - just a bit before Take the money and run - remember the scene with the gun made of soap? but I digress)?
It was one about electrical items ganging up on him and it ends with a lift locking him in and saying "Are you the guy that punched a TV set yesterday?" or something like that. You do? Great - is there a cd that its on and what is that CD called and can I get it from flaming Amazon?

Will said...

i would set fire to Amazon type businesses if I could get my hands on them. They seem a bit otherworldly tho but.

Anonymous said...

Think I've found it and bought it from Amazon. At least they use the Royal Mail so your stuff gets to you reasonably quickly and you don't have to schlepp off to some depot in Trafford Park.
Will report back when I've heard it. I'm slightly worried that a lift I know is in on the conspiracy.

Anonymous said...

Mechanical Objects. Its on "Stand Up Comedian" CD. You can get it from Amazon. And yes, he WAS funny in those days.

The Plump said...

I might borrow it off you one day mikeovdarwen :-)

Anonymous said...

Don't wait - buy it. Now. My goodness he was funny in those days.